I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
