My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
