Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
