u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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