mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
