His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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