somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
