either way he was missing a nipple.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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