also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
