You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
