I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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