I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
