i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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