I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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