At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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