He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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