So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
