Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
