Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
