Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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