What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
