they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
