Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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