And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
