somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will be naked everywhere
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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