i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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