Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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