Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
