I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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