can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
