you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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