then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
