I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
