Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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