Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
