I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
