A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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