EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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