Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
