it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
