i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
