Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
