I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
