Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
