feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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