Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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