I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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