wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
