Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize