Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
