You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
