It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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