your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
