i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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