I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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