Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
