Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
