He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
