"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
