My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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