He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
