got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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