no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize