Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
