My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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