Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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