he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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