I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
