I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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