And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
