a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to fling myself into the sun
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
