He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
