At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
