Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
