I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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