I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
