My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
