sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
