you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
