i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
