I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
