there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
