I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
