Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
