is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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