Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
