i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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