I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
