just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
