there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
