I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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